Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
