they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize