I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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