she was so not down for the gang bang
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My ass is underappreciated
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
