I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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