i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
