his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Holy sore nipples Batman
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I need to calm my uterus...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
