His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
it wasn't lemon gatorade
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize