it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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