just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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