What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
