We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
