i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
