is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize