I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
