My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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