Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
