apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
