my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
