all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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