worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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