How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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