I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
