paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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