i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
