I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
