So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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