Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
