im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
