Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
