Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
