My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
