Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
