Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
