im about as happy as oj after his trial
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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