the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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