i need an iv and a liver transplant
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
