Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
