If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
