i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
