Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
