Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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