I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
