I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
