Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
