So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
