just tell him i said nine months
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I cut my penus on the lid.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
