If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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