He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
