It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
