Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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