After last night, I could never be a politician.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
