Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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