you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
