Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
