I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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