Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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