I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
