He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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