I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
