hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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