super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
