he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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