I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize