im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
