I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
