Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
