Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
