walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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