At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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