please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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